Why Don’t I Feel Sexy? 

If you’ve found yourself thinking “I just don’t feel sexy anymore” during perimenopause, you are far from alone — and you are not broken. For many women, this phase brings unexpected changes in libido, desire, confidence, body image, and connection to their own femininity. What often feels deeply personal is actually a shared, hormone-driven experience. Understanding why this happens is the first step towards feeling like yourself again.

Perimenopause doesn’t steal your sexiness — but it can quietly change how you experience it. Fluctuating hormones, shifting confidence, sleep disruption, and body changes can all dull your sense of desire and self-connection. The truth is, this isn’t the end of your sensuality — it’s a transition into a new version of it. One that works differently, but can be just as powerful.

Many women experience shifts in their sex drive around this time, and that’s completely normal! Some may notice their libido going up and down, which can be quite confusing. While some women might find their drive decreases, others might feel a boost. It’s important to understand these changes since they can be influenced by a mix of biological and emotional factors.

In your 20’s, or when starting a new relationship you have a spontaneous desire – ‘I feel horny, I want sex’. When you’re approaching middle age and are settled with your partner,  your libido responds more to ‘I feel safe, relaxed and connected and  desire usually appears after touch’ – and maybe try a little humour.

Here are a few reasons why your sex drive might be changing during this time:

• Hormonal changes:, 0estrogen and progesterone levels can fluctuate, impacting your desire for sex.
• Menopause symptoms: Other symptoms like hot flashes, night sweats, and vaginal dryness can also play a role in how you feel.
• Stress: Don’t forget, stress can influence your sex drive too.
• Depression: Feeling down is more common  and it can affect your sexual desire.
• Medications: Some medications might also change how you feel about sex.
  
  

If you’re noticing a decline in your libido, don’t hesitate to chat with your doctor. It’s important to seek support because addressing your sexual health is part of taking care of yourself. They can help you understand what’s happening and suggest options to help if needed.

Here are some friendly tips for navigating changes in your sex drive during perimenopause:

• Open up to your partner: Having a chat with your partner about your changing feelings can help you stay connected and close.
• Prioritize intimacy: Even if you’re not in the mood, making time for sex can foster emotional closeness. Sometimes, just starting can help spark that desire.
• Explore new things: Trying out new experiences in the bedroom can keep things fun and exciting!
• Use lubricant: If vaginal dryness is bothering you, using lubricant can make things comfortable and enjoyable.
• Get enough quality sleep: A good night’s sleep is vital for your overall health, energy, and sex drive.
• Maintain a balanced diet: Eating well can support your health and energy levels, which can positively affect your libido.
• Stay active: Regular exercise boosts your overall health and energy, which can help keep your libido robust.
• Find ways to de-stress: Managing stress is key, as it can impact your desire, so look for healthy outlets to unwind.
• Don’t hesitate to seek help: If you’re struggling with changes in your sex drive, it’s okay to reach out to your doctor. Having this conversation can ease concerns and create a supportive space for both you and your partner.

Embracing this transition with open communication and self-care can lead to a fulfilling sexual relationship.